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From around the universe customers travel towards our yet to be FDA (a pseudo human food approval system)approved restaurant based in the surrounding solar system of the milky way galaxies central black hole. For every orbit we average a net profit of 1.3 trillion galactic universal credit. One of our smaller revenue streams.
With a fine rating of 7 stars you will be flourished and flustered when your taste buds make contact with our cuisine. We have worked hard to create a devious yet delicious meal for you. Many meals from other planets, dimensions, universes have been sought after dutifully and devilishly and found just to be announced on your plate. Our chefs can utilise their multiple scientific skills to force a projection of each food at its incomparable peak. Do take a dive below to peak at your future nosh-ups.
Drinks
PIZZ FIZZ
A universal market sprung up for a mixture of chloride, sodium, potassium, creatinine and other dissolved ions, and inorganic and organic compounds.
This mixture can only be formed within the biological machine of an X-Y chromosomal human species. Although primitive, humans are great for production of such liquids. In Earth culture they discard this and filter it out of their drinking water. This allowed Sanjic to pull a trade deal with the planet to create a non-zero-sum game.
Costing only £1 per 1000 ml.
These must be left for years in order to acquire the stench and ickiness. The great liquid can come in a red colour, this just depends on previous food consumption.
*Sanjic is not responsible for; Loss of limbs, autism caused by drink, blindness, cancer, becoming infertile, spontaneous combustion, death, depression, unable to touch grass syndrome, PTSD, faecal incontinence or Aids
*Batteries not included
¡Crude Oil!
A most worthy investment! Less and less crude oil will circulate around the earth the more that is used up due to the silly industrial revolution.
Grab a drink before it is too late!
Each barrel is fresh from the sea beds off the coast of Kazakhstan and with many being bought there is a large supply!
The bigger the pie the more they will buy!
Only $777 and America eyeing you down.
Banana and bubble gum martini
Well, Well, Well. I would have to say that this exquisite dish will fill your buddy buds. With a Quite unique taste you must have a try! only £2 355
Can of
Can of is a delightful treat for any one of the family. When you consume a can of you will instantly feel your tummy lifting and your heart sinking. For the price of a can of you will pay a mere £
Beany bean of beans
This inception of bean on bean action creates an active black hole at your location. When summoned this tear in space will eat you and your planet! Not only that but the consistency of the beans will have you acting in a rather fruity manner. With certain dance moves such as the Yi p yabble and bob bob dookreetz being performed. These moves will prevent the black hole "uno reversing" it as such.
In other words 28 dollas
Berry Beer Broth
A homemade fermented pint of the finest and wildest berry beer broth. Its foamy rabies like texture on the top floats in your mouth. A cheap and subtle £2.67
Starters
A moon wrapped in brown paper
An interesting interpretation of what food should really be about, perhaps the onion actually doesn't taste of a dog fouling. It is up for you to decide.
A humble £6.73 per gram (total product is 170g)
Optional donation is required.
Young Pancakes
An unmatured pancake with its whole life ahead of it. Why not end the life of something that will die anyway? We mix up these and inject them with the hope and the joy of growing up — making their ultimate demise even more taunting. £6.66
Full english brekky
What can we say English people do somethings right. A classic mix of bacon, mushrooms, eggs, toast, beans and other sorts. The twist we have added is within the tomatoes. You see, to grow tomatoes in space you need a special ingredient that can only be only be obtained by mass genocide. So luckily we have an excuse to wipe out species we hate each time someone buys this meal. Price: ITS ON THE HOUSE!
Toast but untoasted until it is toasted
First there was bread. Then you add heat to bread to toast it. Then you put toaster in reverse to untoast. Final is to retoast.
$228, butter can be added if you smile and say thank you.
Sidez n' snacz
Baffling Bites, a mystery meal of sorts...
With this juggle of chance you will be given a random meat from a random monster. Good luck because some of the meat contains a rare strand of mutated Lyssavirus that doesn't show symptoms. We pay you to consume! The more you buy the more likely you are to fry
Chauvinistic Chicken
In this chickens past life it had some strong opinions. These opinions help to induce a flavour like no other. Also they are cooked at 300 Kelvin for a ripe taste. All of this topped with basil. Going once, going twice for $19.99
french fries
A crispy classic in the hood. Cut from potatoes grown in faecal fertilised soil of the western world, you will be fed the best of the best. These green potatoes are some of the funkiest.
£2.15 - small £4.99 - big
fried frenchmen
The french are unanimously despised by any and all creatures including the french themselves. Any attempt to remove their presents is greatly encouraged — hence this product.
€ 402.77 per limb €78.99 for posterior
Vegan Munchies!
This upcycled meal is a benefit to the planet in more ways than one. Vegans are now contributing to us meat eaters in a beneficial way. With new fangled technologies the conversion is painless! But we still choose the painful option. Costs 1 hug per bite.
Mains
P e t e ' s z a
This pizza isn't just about the taste, its about the greater achievements of humankind. With every pizza purchased and produced their is a recycling factor.
With our pizza kitchen being conjoined to our abortion clinic we can redirect all flimsy fetuses into grinders to be juiced and pulped for tomato production. We are happy to help and feed this planet by giving it a few extra years of security.
Prices are as follows:
Type O - £78.99 Type A - £69.42
Type B - £54.99 Type AB - £0.87
Bowl o' Soup
The simplistic and linguistic meal.
Can O' Soup in a bowl.
How insightful?!
£999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999
deli ham
This is an eleven pound whole slab of deli ham. It has no bones, fat or connective tissue. It is an amalgamation of the meat of several pigs, emulsifies, liquefied, strained and ultimately and inexorably joined in an unholy meat obelisk. God had no hand in the creation of this abhorrence. The fact that this exists proves that god is either impotent to alter his universe or ignorant to the horrors taking place in his kingdom, This prism of pork is more than deli meat. It is as physical declaration of mankind's contempt for the natural order. £0.20
Shrimp fried rice
There is no way that shrimp fried this rice! I just refuse to believe it... With a few of the coworkers of the shrimp sprinkled in among the rice this delicious dish will be £13.99 (Not including 200% markup fee, and not including VAT and not including tax 2.0)
Hairy Haggis
This little creature called a haggis is uniquely cooked in a broth filled with the hairs of every nation's nether regions and kneaded into a dough of baked whole bread. For a creature seen by so few with their eyes it really is an appetisingly mouth-watering meal.
We do apologies for this meal being quite costly, this is because they can only be caught and found on the planet Scotland.
Cosing $777,777,778.99
Deserts
cheesy feet cake
Using cheese graters on feet and Exacto knives in toes, we have extracted the delicate juices to form the embodiment of a classic prismic sectored slice of cheese cake
£12.03
feast-esz is back!
This meal is a manufactured delight of pure deviousness.
Divine intervention was used for the creation of this pudding'.
Only a handful know the real atrocities that lie behind the chocolate shell.
If you are allergic to nuts or monkey foulings please do not consume.
£222.21
Rice Puddin'
Itty bitty rice is so squishy and tiny winy that i just want to give it as wittol huggy wuggy, tuck him in and wead him a bed time stowy.
Onwy costs the wittle pwice of fowty fower pounds.
"Brownies"
Are you struggling very much at home? To much screaming and bruises?
Well we have the answer for you! For only a tenner a gram you will certanly forget about all you problems and remeber about your debt problems
Fent - Friday
Every Friday we give out free 'remedies' to our beloved customers. For some strange reason, everyone who has one keeps coming back for more and More and MORE!
On the other 8 days of the week full price is required. How much do they cost?
£ -20 (we give you money to take it)
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